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Sugar Daddy University

In academic thinking it is widely accepted that women are as capable of learning and finding employment as men, however, recently Carla Abonia and Alan Schneider have done their best to destroy this belief for young women, by setting up the Sugar Daddy University, a symposium running for one night in New York. It may seem like a joke to modern minds, but Abonia and Schneider genuinely believe young women struggling to pay the bills would do well to pay to attend classes in which they are taught how to attract a wealthy man. There are strict age limitations and the men have to pay more to attend the classes, so not only are the women being objectified, the men are being discriminated against financially.

As someone who has always believed in gender equality, I do wonder how Abonia and Schneider attract people to their classes. I imagine their advertisement would read something like this: Girls, are you wondering what to do after graduation? Are you are interested in further study? If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions then look no further than the Sugar Daddy University, the organisation that puts the sex into sexism. Founded by Carla Abonia and Alan Schneider, this new institution of higher education admits women of any social standing between the ages of 21 and 39 without any qualifications or nasty exams, all you have to do is throw away your self-respect and personality.

Once you have joined the university, you will receive regular tutorials on how to enhance your skill set in order to hold down a Sugar Daddy. These will include obligatory modules on modifying your clothes, hair and makeup to suit his preference and even some guest speakers will be invited to advise you about which surgical procedures you require to bag the wrinkliest rich old man. You will hardly recognise yourself by the end of the course! Understandably you might be concerned about the financial aspect of further study, however the employment prospects for the Sugar Daddy University are fantastic, with over 75% of students going on to have long term careers in Gold Digging and Lap Dancing. Some of their graduates have even gone on to appear in the well-respected television franchise ‘The Real Housewives of…’.

The Daddies can be as old as 65, which means that they have plenty of experience employing women that are no longer eligible to study. They know exactly how to ply you girls with jewellery and cash to keep you looking and feeling fantastic, much like a fatherly hug. Physical participation is of course not obligatory (they are a tolerant organisation), but it does help boost your salary. For those of you feeling the pressure to perform at the Sugar Daddy University, fear not, there is a support system available and group therapy sessions entitled, ‘How To Avoid the Tugs of Feminism’ to get you back on track. So what are you waiting for girls? The Daddies have worked hard for their money and deserve a pretty little doll to look after and spoil, so take a giant leap back into the 1950s and join the Sugar Daddy University today!

…Obviously I have used artistic license in this article, but I think it demonstrates just how manipulative this and other organisations can be; they are trapping underpaid, under confident and overlooked women with the promise of easy money. Abonia and Schneider are well aware of the enduring pay gap between the sexes and are exploiting it for their own greedy purposes. Ultimately, the Sugar Daddy University is an organisation that we should all be aware of and avoid if we are even going to inch towards gender equality.

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