Trump

President Trump – Cartoon Logic

A long time ago, the very first Cartoon Logic column critiqued a dreadful Daily Mail piece. In this piece of ‘journalism’, the aforementioned hallowed instrument of newsprint imagined the first 1,000 days of Jeremy Corbyn’s Prime Ministership. Suffice to say, they didn’t paint a very positive picture of that potential future; Jeremy Corbyn described Daesh as a partner in the peace process and One Direction fled to the USA. Utter nonsense. It was a journalistic crime of the highest order.

Today, I find myself compelled to commit the same crime. One of the less ridiculous claims made by that piece was that Donald Trump would become president; there is now a very real chance that he will be the Republican candidate for this job. There is also a chance that he will defeat likely Democrat candidate Hillary Clinton and become the 45th president of the United States. With virtually all the same motivations as the journo who penned the Mail’s piece, I present ‘the first 1,000 days of Donald Trump’s presidency’:

President Trump sits atop his 68-storey glass-and-marble tower, looking down on the city of New York. Though not drawing the President’s salary of $400,000, he does receive a salary of about $380 million, which is about 7,500 times the national average. Trump has been the most powerful man in the world for two and a half years. What is his America, his Earth, like?

Trump’s civil servants are struggling. He believes that his government’s Bureau of Labor Statistics figures on unemployment (currently 5.1%) are wrong, and that the actual unemployment figure is somewhere between 20% and 42%. He struggles to believe any of the figures produced by his civil service, making proper governance difficult. Meanwhile, the Internal Revenue Service, which has coped well with taking many low-paid workers out of the tax system, is struggling with thousands of weird and worthless forms from those same workers that read, simply: ‘I win’.

The United Nations is in full collapse. After stopping Muslims from entering the USA, Trump unintentionally (or intentionally) blocked the leaders of a number of nations from attending the UN Headquarters in New York, including Iran, Saudi Arabia, Algeria, Pakistan and Malaysia (countries with constitutionally mandated Muslim Heads of State). Reactions to this have been fierce, with a great number of nations refusing to attend the General Assembly until these nations and their leaders are allowed back in. Trump’s belief that climate change is ‘just weather’ has also seen the US withdraw from all climate treaties and talks, removing much of the global political will to act at just about the most important time in climate change history. The Earth is very possibly doomed.

The rest of the world has reacted badly to his election. The European states have tried to distance themselves from the United States and its new offensive leader. Despite his assertions that he would get on well with Vladimir Putin, Trump has not made friends with Russia. The Russian leadership has jumped at the chance to draw attention away from their actions in Crimea and has trumpeted Trump’s foolish moves worldwide. Trump, as predicted, has made no secret of his distaste for China and now, China has made no secret of its distaste for Trump.

Relations with neighbouring nation Mexico have been soured the most, though. Trump’s ‘great, great wall’, which runs the length of the entire Mexican-American border, is the fourth longest structure in the world and the longest built since the 1800s. It was paid for by Mexico (Trump forced this through with trade embargos) and cost close to $13 billion.

Trump’s ‘greatest achievement’ so far, however, is the deportation of 3% of the entire population of the United States. 11 million illegal immigrants have been forced out of the United States, more than two and a half times the number of refugees of the Syrian Civil War. This mass deportation, being one of the largest movements of people in the history of mankind, only cost $114 billion, and for many, was frighteningly reminiscent of the worst evils of the Second World War.

No one familiar with British slang has yet told President Trump how funny his name is.

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